BUT DO YA REMEMBER LAUGHING OUT LOUD?

There are many things I don't want to do anymore: -

I don't want to write about fashion, style, media, film, internet trends without SUBJECTIVITY.
I don't want to collage, doodle, photograph or record any kind of data without retaining OWNERSHIP.
I don't feel like MASS REPRODUCTION or CLONING benefits my method of creating.
I don't want to edit, adjust or re-evaluate my own words by a dated language SISSY STEM.
And a SCANNER is so much fun but such a friggin LIAR, U GUISE!

and I realize all my interests draw back to the same things - desire to not be alone, desire to communicate with others - desire to attract?

I have an essay saved on my laptop called 'how we attract' which is unfinished. Like all my essays are unfinished and empty, since gaining a Bachelors of Farts in the school of Dropping Out With 25K Debt And Nothing To Show For It But 313 Twitter Followers.

You considerate try-hard, you Fool of A Took.

It's possible to be oblivious of how humorous this situation looks when your outside of the disaster area, so I'll 'paint a picture': Nobody who you live with in student accommodation will respect that you are a Bachelor of Arts student in FEEL UM when they are Doing Something Meaningful or care about Making Money. Surely everybody only attends uni to find out How To Make Money In Three Years Or Less, right?

You won't get to have the meaningful conversations you want to have about FILL 'O' SOPHIE or FEAR WEE but you will literally force yourself into a situation where you live with a PRAC TEA SING CHRIS TEA ANNE, a WANNA BEE ECO CON ADMIST and a VEG EGALITARIAN with QUEST JUNG ABLE VALUE SISSY TUM.

You will remember how five years at a GIRLS COMPREHENSIVE has made you terrified of interacting with your own gender and surround yourself with characters who you can basically fulfill your communication needs by  playing characters AND being sassy, selfish and stupid (sarah).

At the RUDE DOVE HIT you just want to be able to deal with different people, but in doing so minimize yourself into one room - and suddenly, surrounded by everything you have ever owned: you are sixteen again. you are restless. you are lonely. you are unhappy.

and most of all you want to justify your own existence, your decisions and your goals to a crowd which only uses you for movie night film selections and dragging you out to yet another pub that you just can't give a shit about. AND U ASK YRSELF>> WHY DOES NOBODY SEE MY VALUE? WHY DOES NOBODY WANT TO UTILIZE MY SKILLS AND THE BENEFITS OF BEING MY FRIEND? WAH WAH WAH WHY DOES NOBODY CARE?

So you flunk your final essay and run back home to your city and spend two years trying to recover from terrible decision making and tear all your skills and traits and anything anybody has ever mentioned about you to shreds. You essentially create a TEEN RENEE STANCE for yourself to hide within. You only accept things you have created yourself as genuine. You laugh off any compliment you receive. You furiously state everything you believe ASS A MAD DUH UGH FACKED.

You log on, and suddenly you aren't alone.

I'm Sarah and I've been trying to get your attention with urgency and desperation. I've been trying to coalesce all my sugary sadness and miasma of mopes into some kind of synthesized Defense Of mySelf.

I'm less broken than I was in twenty twelve and Reclaimer Reclaimer! Have you found your voice yet? Was it hiding under that mother bored? was it beneath the random abcess memory? what is m00-VINK U?

#ABORTIONFEELINGS

WON SUP ON A-TEEN: WEE AWH LUKE IN FORK A-TEEN 2 WENDY-FREE YEAH GOLDS 2 PARTY SIP N TAKE INNER WON SINGER LAUGH THYME HOP AH TUNE AND TEA. REALLY VENT HEX PERIOD ANTS REX SQUIRED. AYE BILLY TEA 2 LEAKING FOR NATION, 2 TIE UP LOU SENDS. TWOS PEAK WEAVE POUT COMMA HANDS. 

C:\\TRIGGERWARNING

I feel as though the format of TUMBLR primarily lends itself to the habit of framing the world around yourself. I wonder whether there are many users successfully resisting the temptation of slipping their existence into 'The Dashboard' stream of conciousness. 

My favourites, of course, are the teens that share every minutiae of their lives, ruthlessly presenting themselves somewhere between fact and fiction. I don't consider storytelling to be a distraction when reading or following a 'life-cast'. Narrative format rules, but underneath it all are glimpses of possible "girl" auteurs. 

Processing everything I consume would be much harder were it not for the handy 'PrtScn' key. The re-uploading part may be slightly obnoxious (If you care enough to look for saucers) but makes it easier for me to filter through. I'm at a "pretty significant" point in my life right now and I have no energy to primp and pose, flaccidity rose. 256GB of space remaining. 

--

images from readigest.tumblr.com

bittersweet

Pretending I have anywhere else to be would be stupid. Though I will walk one mile a day regardless. On hot days the top floor of my house always stinks. The smell reminds me of rotting fruit. Sweeter than apple pie. I will double click my mouse. I sewed this sequin 'Fun' patch that Grossie gave me onto a stretched out petticoat. The lace sags and makes it unreadable unless I tie it around my neck like a halter top. I don't know if I will ever both to adjust it. I'm a total sucker for imperfection.

just

I don't quite feel like writing long paragraphs, so for now I'm just going to post something visual. And hopefully it will remove this itch. I'll connect the dots later.

-- credits
Day Of The Tentacle (1993)  / Popular S2E01 / Disney World Florida pamphlets / Buffy The Vampire Slayer / Barbie (1992) /  David LaChapelle entire editorial for The Face (1995) /  TLC video still / DoTT

-- deetz
somahold.jpg / purpletentacle.jpg / windows 95 doodle / mariahcarey.jpg / copy.jpg / canyouseeme.jpg
2k4-2k12 // Update coming soon, probably.